Wild Honey, Orchard

When I was at “Wild Honey,” the restaurant played Sam Sparro’s “Black and Gold,” which is a good metaphor for the restaurant, I think. The ambience was gold and the food was black shit.

Was there at 5pm just before the crowd came in. Outside the heavy rain pelted but inside, it was languid and warm. I felt like Des Esseintes, the first Decadent, from Huysmans’s A rebours. The decor was an eclectic mix of rococo gothic and Old English library of dark wood and upholstered armchairs. The lighting was dim. Perfect. The restaurant was playing soft electronica, which strangely complimented the decorations.

The waitress who showed me to my table explained that I had to go to the counter to order my food. She was polite – and so were the other waitresses (but I realized later that the boss was there and it could explain their manners). It was ridiculous that I had to walk to the counter to order because this is a classy place. Why couldn’t the waitresses take orders?

I ordered 3 pancakes, 4 strips of bacon and 1 sausage, which came up to $28. Exorbitant: I don’t mind paying for good food but it was horrible. Easy dishes but they couldn’t even do it well. The pancakes were hard, not fluffy, tasteless and of different thickness. The accompanying honey or maple syrup–I can’t tell which because it–was so diluted it couldn’t balance the sourness of the berry (strawberry and blue berry) jam. And the bacon was so oily but not crispy, like rubber. Why couldn’t the chef dab it with paper towel first? The sausage was dismal too, no bounce at all and cold and oily and frigid like an ice queen, like it was taken out of the freezer and microwaved for 15 seconds. When I told a waitress nicely to convey to the chef the terrible quality of the food, she didn’t because it was the end of her shift and I saw her pick up her bag and leave.

McDonald’s could do it better! And at 1/5 the price!

Wild Honey
Mandarin Gallery #03-02
T: 6235 3900

Rating: 0.781/5 stars

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